Blah, Blah, Blog - Becca

I don't know why I entitled this "Blah, Blah Blog". Just sounded kinda fun today, and though "blah, blah, blah" is usually associated with the rambling on of seemingly insignificant banter, I hope the following assortment of verbage doesn't fall into the "Trash" category. Hopefully it is an encouragement, and by the end of my final typing of this thing, I can look back and see some more significant meaning of the titling. This may end up being random, however, I think it will tie together in the end. Since I recently "downed" a Starbucks Double Shot, I am sufficiently loaded with the needed espresso to fuel some speed-typing, and speed-thinking right now hoping to not let my mental inspiration run all over my fingers! :) Anyway, now that the premature apology is out of the way, time to move upward and onward! :)

I read Bethany Dillon's latest blog/journal entry today (www.bethanydillon.com) that she called "He has the ability". It encouraged and inspired me, and I sit here smiling on the inside at, yet again, another lesson that we seem to both be going through. Here's some things that I've been sensing, creeping around, at times breathing down my neck lately. I'm not sure what it is, but I'm sure you can put it under the following categories: Independence, Striving in the Flesh, Trying to do things on my own... or ultimately, Pride. I remember saying to a friend not long ago as I was talking on the phone while mopping the floor of my fiancé's house that we really can't do anything without the Lord. We can't even make ourselves go spend time with Him without His help, especially if we are in the midst of crazy busyness, which is unfortunately the way of life for the majority. I so often know that I need that time with Him, yet just like Bethany said, "My heart had been so hard toward pursuing His presence. I always convince myself that it's okay to run on a word from Him for a few days... but my starving soul eats it right up, and then I just run on fumes until I am so miserable I can't go anywhere but Him." I remember my heart saying something like, "Okay Lord, I need Your help to put aside all the things I can be thinking of and just spend time with You." Can anyone else relate?

Something else, I'll say it is Selfishness... or ultimately, Pride. So, my wedding is just a few weeks away and though I am trying to keep especially the week before the wedding as "stress free" as possible, I am seeing more and more plans of other people being developed in the weeks prior that could take my time and attention. I've found myself getting stressed and irritated that these things are happening! I mean, don't people know that I'm getting married that weekend? Come on, we gave enough notice so that the world can come to a halt so that we can make sure that everything falls into the "fairytale" category, smoothly and with few snags! Can't people just put their plans and events on hold, after all, the "princess" needs to be ready for the ball! Wow, the ugliness in my heart is being exposed! Since when is it not okay to say "no"? Since when has God's grace stopped being sufficient? Since when has God stopped being in control? Since when has God needed my help to do all His work? Hmmm. Sounds like I need to labor to enter into His rest!

Perfectionism... or Pride (beginning to see a pattern here?). Even though I may often come across on the radio as calm, collected, and worry-free, sometimes it just isn't so. For being one who has been known to wear my heart on my sleeve, the more discerning listener may notice from time to time when it may not be all sunshine and daisies. Even though we were taught in radio school that even if we are having the worst of days, put a smile on your face because the listeners can hear a smile and a frown. Which is even more of an importance on Christian radio, because we are to be here to offer encouragement to listeners in the midst of their "cloudy" days. I've had a tendency to stress myself out in the area of "doing things" and "fixing myself". I have often thought in essence, "I don't really love the Lord unless..." or "I can't really be a Christian unless I do better in the things that He tells me to do..." like it's all up to me to prove my love, and myself, to the Lord! I think "I have to do it", and when I find myself messing up again, quoting Bethany again, "I realize I'm not that good at it. I don't know if you're like me, but at the first sign of failure-- or even imperfect execution-- I'm out. Finished. Wash my hands of it...So, how could it ever get accomplished? How could a refining process happen? Alright, if any of you are churched kids like me, I'll speak slowly so it may not miss you like it always seems to do with me... I need His HELP. His... HELP. HIS help. Learning how to integrate that in my prayer life has been very interesting-- and tiring to my flesh, honestly."

Now, to brag on my man for a bit. The Lord sure knows what He's doing when He brings two people together. He's just pretty cool. (The Lord and Joel) :) He is, for the most part, calm, collected and generally doesn't get stressed out... for real. His philosophy about stressing is basically "what's the point?". After nearly 7 years of learning how to do marriage from programs on KGCR, I'm finding it quite amuzing lately of how right so many things I've heard are. It's one thing to know it, but another level of learning comes when you actually get to live it. I've heard a few times from different programs about the importance of wives welcoming their husbands home when they get there from work. Greeting them kindly, inviting them to relax for a few to give them time to shift gears from "work-mode" to "home-mode", making them feel important like they are truly still a prize in their wife's heart. Well, in our time together so far, I've already had opportunity to see this. Though we aren't married yet and we don't live together, we still see each other pretty much every night. When we first meet each other for the day, it's usually after we've both been at work. He's done a great job of loving me and being patient with me. In fact, he didn't bring up the following issue, it took the Lord to reveal it to me - which is good.

We were talking the other night, and if I am obviously wearing the burdens of the day on my face first thing when I see him instead of realizing that he and our relationship are more important (issues are only temporary), it doesn't create much of a feeling of appreciation for him, even though he knows I love him - (enter, yet again, selfishness and pride - not putting him before myself). The Lord was showing me a couple things on this. 1) It is good to make a concious effort to direct my thoughts of appreciation toward Joel, not only a bit before I see him, but also throughout the day, remembering the blessing that the Lord has given me in him. This will help me to not have such a "forced" appreciation toward him when we meet "just because I know I need to encourage him," but it also directs my thoughts away from the worries (*Philippians 4:8). When I do this, this will help create a relaxed atmosphere, freeing him to help me with any burdens from the day. 2) It's not any different with the Lord. I've learned, and am learning, how the earthly relationship of husband and wife, really is parallel to the Bride (Church) and the Bridegroom (Christ). We really should be thinking on Him all throughout the day. Even in times before church, do we go into church or daily time with Him, wearing the burdens of the week into our time of worship, or do we go in with appreciation for Him (Psalm 100:4**), knowing that He is the ultimate "fixer" of things, even of us, and we can praise Him for that, trusting Him to, in time do His work, but for now it's time to "love on" Him and let Him "love on" us?

One more item to share. Recently, Joel and I were in Denver, hanging out with my dad (of whom I am proud to announce that even though he is going to be 59 years-old this year, he recently purchased a David Crowder Band CD! - Go Dad!) We were talking about Building 429 and how they got their name. It is from Ephesians 4:29, which says, "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." This is a big verse for me and could go on this for an entire blog in itself and some day I might. But for now, I'm going to wrap this puppy up.

Being a Child of God is about selflessness and humility. Children look like their parents. God is a selfless and humble God. Marriage is a great place to allow the Lord to chisle away the junky selfishness and pride in our lives, but it's not a necessary instrument. He can use anything; situations, family, friends, others in the Body of Christ.

When I interviewed Bethany Dillon, I encouraged her to keep sharing those blogs, because others, including myself have been encouraged by them. She may have forgotten my words to her, but I wondered today, as she sits down to write what was on her heart, does she ever hear my voice encouraging her to share? She's probably like me and would write anyway, whether anyone ever read it or not. But I know the words of encouragement that I've gotten back from people, giving indication that the Lord used something I said to build them up. I hope no one takes what I say as Gospel, except for the Scriptures I include themselves, but just as an encouragement for you to dig into the Scripture yourself.

Well, I've gone on long enough. This has already taken longer than I thought and the espresso I think has pretty much left. If you've made it to this point, as Shane would say, "You deserve a cookie" at least! :) Final encouragement, trust the Lord to lead you into Truth, trust the Lord to help you walk out the Truth, consider others better than yourself (Philippians 2:3***), and encourage each other. You just might be giving that person one more push to not give up.


* "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." - Philippians 4:8

** "Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name." - Psalm 100:4

*** "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves." - Philippians 2:3